Freedom

I used to be very unclear about certain things because I hadn't given them proper thought. It was all about how I saw my position in the world. I think I felt obliged and driven to do certain things because I hadn't got past the adolescent feeling of self-importance. I knew I was just one little soul among billions but I didn't feel it in my bones. I think when you truly believe that there are billions of other people looking out of their eyes just like you look out of yours, then you can begin to take joy in the world. I feel far more free now because the sense that I'm obliged to leave a mark and stand out from the crowd has lifted. I still want to be good at what I do but I've given myself permission to be a private citizen who just does things for the joy of it. I think the strong drive I felt before had something to do with fears about my mortality. I saw how someone could be wiped from existence and I felt pushed to do something to leave a more solid anchor in the world. Accepting that I am one of billions and that nothing I do will make me immortal has given me permission to be quiet. I am more inclined now to do things for the pleasure of the moment rather than to push out a product like a greeting card design or an article. I have been criticised by people my own age for being so product centred and I wonder how they knew about this before I did. They made me feel rather small when they spoke to me about it.